Words that may never come
by BabyTears
Summary: There are some words which are hard to say and might never ever be spoken even when death threatens. [SanaYuki]


Author's note: Yoz minna! Well I'm actually doing a fic besides TezuFuji... shall we celebrate then? Laughs Well actually I've always wanted to try out a SanaYuki fic... well I know I did said I am doing a GP fic (which most probably will be a serial fic) but I got stuck so I'm doing this one-shot. I actually wanna finish this as a one shot guess it got too long so I'll post this in two parts. This chapter is more on Yukimura. 

I actually did a research on Yukimura's illness... Guillain-Barre Syndrome. I could somehow feel his fear in losing his favorite sport Tennis. I would explain the illness in the fic later but if you wanna know more you can go yahoo to do some read ups. And an advance thanks to everyone who reviewed my previous stories… much appreciated because you guys keep me going. Apologies for my grammar.

PS: TezuFuji fans, I will be promising a birthday fic for our tensai so do look out ne?

**_Words that may never come_**

When Yukimura Seiichi, the captain of Rikkaidai's tennis club, learnt that he had contracted Guillain-Barre Syndrome, it was like the end of the world. Everything before him went blank and the word 'future' was erased from his dictionary in an instant and was replaced by a new word called 'fear'. Fear of losing his ability and skills for tennis that he had so much pride in and fear for losing that special someone. He ran all the way to the nearby library and grabbed the entire books regarding on the illness available there. And all gave him the same answer. The illness has no cure. Yukimura felt that he was sentenced to death on the spot.

The syndrome apparently is an illness where a person's immune system attacks part of the peripheral nervous system. Eventually, the person starts to grew weak and as these symptoms increase in intensity, the muscle is damaged and the person would be almost totally paralyzed. In worst cases, it continues up the chest and freezes the breathing muscles. Although there is no cure for the disease, there are a couple of ways to treat the complications of the disease. Plasmapheresis and Gamma Globulin are one of the most common choices.

Yukimura's doctor had told him that being hospitalized would be the best option for the sick captain. That day, the sky turned grey and soon there was a heavy downpour. Yukimura wondered if the heavens above were mocking at him or was it grieving for his pitiful destiny? Yukimura didn't know and he didn't care. His instinct made him dig out his cell phone to call his best friend, Sanada Genichirou, Rikkaidai tennis club's vice-captain and they arrange to meet at a nearby bridge.

It did not take very long for the vice-captain to reach their meeting place. Yukimura could tell that Sanada actually ran all the way.

"Yukimura... you are not kidding me right?" Sanada pants, barely catching his breath.

"I wish I was Sanada. But I'm afraid it's not. And I've decided to listen to my doctor's advice. I'll be hospitalized from tomorrow onwards." Yukimura said with his back facing his friend. He didn't dare to look at Sanada directly because he knew he would definitely seek for the taller boy's comfort and start crying. He just couldn't show that he is actually for once afraid of something. Afraid to be seen weak and afraid of losing his friend before him who meant the world to the violet eyed. Yukimura knew at that moment that he had to be strong, on his own.

"Ne Sanada, why do you play tennis?" Sanada seems to be taken by surprise by the captain's question.

"Why?"

"Yeah, Why."

Sanada replied that he only had tennis and nothing else. Yukimura felt a stab in his heart. He had expected the answer from his friend. He looked down at his feet and let out a weary smile. Silently, Yukimura made a promise to himself. If he didn't survive this illness, he would never unlock the secret to his heart. It was as if he was challenging the god of death in a war that he may lose but to the violet eyed, it was his reason to keep on fighting for his life.

"I see... it's the same for me. I would be left with nothing if tennis were taken away from me. " Yukimura replied

**_"No... it isn't just tennis...without you as my pillar I am nothing but an empty case."_**

"Tennis is my self..."

**_"Because whatever that is your everything... is mine as well."_**

"Hold on a second, you're sounding as if you will never play tennis again!" Sanada panicked, confused by the words that came from his best friend's mouth."

"It's just the opposite, Sanada. I'll definitely come back." Yukimura assured.

_**"I'll definitely get well and come back to your side."**_

Yukimura turned to shake Sanada's hand, a gesture that at the moment, seems to entrust his everything to the hazel eyed teenage. Sanada promised that he would do a good job until Yukimura's return but the violet eyed knew otherwise.

Knowing that Sanada would have questions about his ability to take over his place as the captain, Yukimura told Sanada to believe in himself right to the end. Which to the captain himself is pretty ironic since he too has doubts about his own health.

With that, Yukimura was admitted to the hospital the next day. The day went by slowly and painfully for the tennis club captain, as the doctors had to run various tests on his petite body. The once porcelain hands of the violet eyed captain was now filled with needle holes and bruise marks. Even thou every day was excruciating, Yukimura suffered silently without any complaints.

Every once in a while, Yukimura would go to the rooftop of the hospital and sit on the wooden bench, enjoying the fresh air and the serene surrounding. He was thankful that he could at least escape to such a quiet place that is not filled with the smell of chlorine and sound of the machine that treats his illness. The third year was getting worried if he would die from those pollutants instead of his illness. Yukimura would always ends up sitting on the same spot for a couple of hours, gazing at the busy streets beneath.

And it was the same this particular evening. Except that he had just went for another round of plasmapheresis in the afternoon and the doctor told him that he would need to go for a surgery for better recovery. He held out his pale hands that are almost filled with needle marks, as the evening wind seems to be caressing his pain away gently. Yukimura could not remember when was the last time he dared too look at his bruised arms for such a long time. Stroking his right hand, the violet eyed wondered if it is now capable of holding his precious racket that had been left untouched since he was admitted to hospital. Would he have enough strength? Is he even worthy to touch the racket?

The captain sighed and was about to get back to his ward when the door to the main exit opens, revealing his teammate, Yanagi Renji.

"You know it's starting to get chilly, you should be a good patient and get rest or there will be a ninety five percent chance that you will get a flu, Yukimura." Yanagi said with a smile as he places his jacket across his captain's shoulder.

"Yanagi...you and your data. Is everything ok? And where is..." before Yukimura finish his sentence, Yanagi cuts in.

"Sanada? There is a one hundred percent chance of you asking about him. Are you missing him? He is getting busy for our match against Seigaku. These days he is really pushing the regulars hard." Yanagi sighed. Yukimura blushed at his friend's teasing. It seems that there is nothing that Yanagi could not get a data on. The data player even managed to find out his feelings for Sanada, a secret he never thought anyone would know.

"You know, I really hate your data at times. " Yukimura surrendered.

"Well it's because you are always staring at Sanada so obviously. Yukimura, you should tell him. It won't do any good if you plan to keep it a secret. Besides, there are chances of him liking you…say ninety five percent. The rest is for tennis thou." Yanagi chuckled at his own comment.

"Quit teasing me Yanagi... why would Sanada like me? What's more, I'm a guy. Well... I did thought of telling him the truth. That is if... I manage to get through this. It's a promise and challenge I made to myself. Yanagi... if anything happens to me, you'll tell him for me after my first death anniversary ok?" Yukimura said sadly.

"What death anniversary? You are going to get well and tell him that yourself. I'm not telling Sanada anything. Yukimura, I don't have the right to tell Sanada how much you love him. Love is not something that you could just ask anyone to help you say it because it is a feeling that comes from your heart. How would a third party like me be able to express it when you are the one who really knows what it feels like?" Yanagi almost screamed at the violet eyed.

"Ne... Yanagi... you know something? It is because I know how it feels that makes it so hard to tell him. It...it's not right. By the way... I'll be going for an operation at the end of the month. If I didn't remember wrongly... the day for the surgery will be on the day where you guys are having a match with Seigaku. I think you guys better train hard for the match then coming here to visit me. I want Rikkai to get to the Nationals you know. But do tell Sanada not to push himself too hard." Yukimura said worriedly.

"Can't you change the date or something? Like till after the match?" Yanagi asked in shock. The captain shakes his head.

"If I could I would. The operation is at four, maybe you guys can make it to see me before my operation?" Yukimura gave a weak smile as he proceeds back to his ward. Yanagi sighed. Perhaps Yukimura's love towards Sanada is a data that he'll never understand.

TBC

/ There goes chapter one. Hopefully I can finish it by the next chapter. Sorry if it's a bit draggy and boring here. I'm not sure the way I'm potraying Yukimura's illness from my research is the perfect one so if it's a little outta place I apologize. Anyway I hope you guys like it. I'll work on the next chapter which will be more focused on Sanada. Thanks to those who reviewed in advance/


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